Stop Firefighting Tantrums.
Start Guiding Them.
A science-backed approach to toddler emotions—blending Montessori, Positive Discipline, and Neuroscience.
The Upstairs Brain
The science explains why your toddler physically cannot listen when they are screaming. It’s not defiance, it's biology.
Connection First
You can’t teach a drowning child how to swim. Learn to soothe the nervous system before you teach the lesson.
The 90-Second Wave
Emotions are chemical events that last 90 seconds. Learn to ride the wave instead of fighting it.
The "Yes" Space
Reduce power struggles by 80% just by changing your home environment, not your child.
The manual that should have come with your toddler.
Calm in the Chaos translates complex neuroscience into simple scripts for tired parents.
The Upstairs vs. Downstairs Brain
When a toddler melts down, their pre-frontal cortex (logic) disconnects. They are operating purely from the amygdala (emotion).
Instead of "Stop crying!", try: "I see you are having a hard time. I am here."
This is Step 1 of the CALM Method found in Chapter 2 of my book
Connection Before Correction
Why "Stop it!" never works during a meltdown.
Dealing with a tantrum isn't about controlling the child; it's about lending them your calm. When a toddler is overwhelmed, their logic brain turns off. They literally cannot learn until they feel safe. Try the C.A.L.M. Method:- Come close (get on their level).
- Acknowledge feelings ("You are so frustrated").
- Listen without fixing.
- Model the calm you want to see.
Master the full C.A.L.M. framework in Chapter 2 of the book.
The 90-Second Emotion Rule
It’s just chemistry. It will pass.
Did you know a surge of emotion only lasts about 90 seconds in the body? Everything after that is us re-triggering the feeling with our thoughts. The Secret: Don't react in the first 90 seconds. Take a Parent Pause. Breathe. Let the wave crest and break. Only then, respond. If you stay steady, their nervous system will sync with yours.
Learn how to stop fueling the fire. Read the 'Co-Regulation' guide in the book.
The "Yes" Space
Change the environment, not the child.
Imagine living in a house where everything is too high, too heavy, or "forbidden". You'd have meltdowns too. A "Yes Space" is an area where your toddler can explore freely without hearing "NO" every 5 seconds.- Low shelves they can reach.
- Safe items they can touch.
- Independence designed into the room.
- Result: 80% fewer power struggles instantly.
Get the room-by-room checklist in Chapter 3 of Calm in the Chaos.